I am flawed after all

You smiled today. Different from the ones caused by my distractions or cute things I season your day with. Or leave for you to wake up to.

It was the smile of something you did. That you recognized the value in. It was the smile of someone who felt worthy to do so. Very different but no less priceless. I loved it. Like turning a gem to see yet another shining facet.

I thought of all I’d do, and shape to cultivate more. Carefully supported and tended to show you what I see every day.

Of course I thought about if I could no longer see it, if things didn’t work. 

I’d be around after, I’ve never been good at giving up.
Vegas has no hold on me like your smile though. In this I am a gambler.
Wagering my heart against a deeper break.

But the farther after is where my mind went. How much longer could I pretend to divorce my mind and my heart once that wager fails. Both were linked from the first moment we spoke.

The mind’s desire to support and care. To grow and help you reach for all that is in reach, and what you could soon touch if you tried.

The heart’s desire to share our day and hearts and touch. To see that look in your eyes as you look at me. They always spoke more of how you felt than your lips ever could. 

I don’t know how long I could shift my gaze to your smile, hoping to forget the look in your eyes that faded away.

And so I just don’t think about it. 

Instead cherishing every moment 

hoping I don’t have to cut my losses
To go home with only the memories of what I had.

(For all the longer ones, there’s so many little lines like “You dramatically lifted the lid on the dinner you cooked with that trademark smirk of deserved self satisfaction. A small thing that will be burnt into my memory like a childhood’s endless summer day.”)